Duck and Run

I can buy ciggarettes today.

Legally

Wild sex. hah. I wish.

I've been pissed off at him before. But this is the first time he's been pissed off back.
I'm not calling him. Fuck that.
He can call me.
And I'll give him two weeks. Then I'm going to call and ask for my dvd player back.

Fuck it.
I'm not apoligizing.
Because, I'm not sorry. And I'm not going to lie to you and pretend I am.

So I enroll at Fox Valley. I move to Shawno. With Nat. We share an apartment. Carpool to school. Am miserable for the next two years.
Or. I go to Washington. Where I don't know anyone. Alone. Am miserable for the next two years.
Ergh

I miss you. A lot. How do you do that to me???

I got footie pajamas. Pajamas with little footsies attatched to the bottom. Er, thank you?
It was sweet of the kid (Carolyn, the 6yr old)

It was very good sex.
Sorry. I know. Details are gross. But I can't help it. It was good and I want to talk about it.
It's not like I'm leaving the randy details on your answering machine, right?
You can always stop reading. Anytime. Really.
OK.
Yes, we were sitting on the couch and about two minutes after Dawn (his mother) and Cody (Chris's brother) pull out to go to work, he pulls the "Can we lay down?"
Mr. I'm-all-tired. Yeah, I almost buy that one.
So anyway, he's trying to kiss me and watch the dvd at the same time. And he's laughing because I'm doing the same thing.
And pretty soon I was down to my cami and pants (not panties, pants) and we were...er... doing a dry run on the couch. Me on top.
So we decided to go upstairs. Seeing as how there are multiple large windows in the living room and it would not be good if a sibling for some reason returned and was forever scarred by the sight of, well, us.
Not good.
So he carried me upstairs. Piggy back. And I was teasing him and said "You sure you going to make it?" "Uh, yeah, it's not like you weigh a hell of a lot."
What am I supposed to say to that? That's just one of those things you just don't have a comeback for.
So he sets me down on the bed.And I'm not entirely sure of the order of things. But I know the phone rang and he almost went to get it, but he remembered he owns an answering machine.
And then the dog started barking. Which meant we thought someone was there. There wasn't. Bailey was just jealous or something :P
And he was kissing me all over and running his hands down my sides (which I really like) and playing with my hair.
And I don't know if he was doing something different or if I was or if it was because of what we were talking about (his leaving and neither one of us was talking like it was the end of the world) but it was very good. I could tell he was very much into it. More so than usual. He was more vocal than he has been in times past. Of course, we knew for sure know one was going to walk into the house. That might have been it, too. But I seriously got off from his...er...vocalazation(?)
Ok, yeah, I get off of just about everything he does.
The way he sits, looks, smells, talks, feels, moves. Breathes...don't look at me like that. When I laying with him and he's breathing and the way his chest rises and falls with me on it.

Oh, fuck you!

I gave him his Christmas present. He liked it.
I got a roadside emergency kit. (Flares flashlight jumpercables 1st aid kit (complete w/ibprofen) and all sorts of shit) I like it.
No, really. I'm not being sarcastic! I thought it was sweet.
"I didn't want you to be stranded on the side of the f-ing road"
It's sweet.

God, I love him. I do. Don't look at me like that.
Fucker.

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Soon my friends. Soon. I promise to write a nice long commentary or a violent rant or maybe both. Soon. But not now.
Jennie

Alrighty then.
An army recuiter is coming to talk to me. Tomorrow. 3pm Perhaps I should tell my mother now? Perhaps.

The poor little chair Should have listened to it's mother.

Ergh. It would make sense to do it. Except for the reason that I already pointed out.
Following Chris would be a very stupid reason to join the army. And how would I know whether or not that was the reason I was doing it?

The army? If I join the army everyone will assume it's because Chris did. And that would be a stupid reason to join the army.
But they would give me a regular paycheck. And training, that would count towards an associate degree in food preperation and dietary management.
And not joining because of what other people would think is also a stupid reason not to do something. So yeah.
Fuck

Shhh. Don't talk yet. I'm sorry, ok? I can't help it. I don't like the thought of you leaving. I don't like the thought of you getting sent overseas. I don't like the thought of you getting shot at, jumping out of planes, coming home in a box.
It makes me go all scared like, and I don't like to talk about it.
But it's what you want to do, for real. It's not a game. And it's important to you. So I'll listen, just please, don't throw to much at me all at once? Please?

You can talk now.

I got accepted to North Seatle. Do I really want to move to Washington? I don't know.
I don't know if Chris's still going to wind up stationed there. He's decided to go into the Army, the Rangers. Instead of being a Military Police. The Rangers are a specialized unit. He might not wind up there.
I don't know. Perhaps I should talk to the boy?

Asshole. She's not a goddamned dog you can swat with a goddamned newspaper. Asshole.

FUCK

Uh-oh.
Ok, I was all mad at Chris on Saturday. Very much so. So....later that day, I'm shopping. At Wal-mart. This truck pulls into the parking lot. My jaw drops. It's a 1950something (55, 56, something) El Camino on a 1960something(66?) Ford truck chassie. Very nice.
So I left a note. Said note stated, "I am really incredibley impressed by your truck. I love it. I usually never ever do this, but.....
(920)708-7234 Ask for Jennie"
He called me. We went to Perkins with his friends, went bowling with his friends. Not a big deal. Didn't really see it as a "date"....until he f*ing paid for me. But it's cool, he goes to school in Chicago. He'll go back and I won't ever see him again.
Got home on time, no problems.
Sunday. Chris calls. He still has my RCA Cables and the remote. I go over to get them. Apparantly he was being incredibley dense, and he didn't realize I was mad at him. And he apoligized. And he made me dinner. So I'm not mad at him any more (for once again not returning my phone calls)
But he still didn't get laid. Which means neither did I. Fuck again. (or not, really)
Anyway.
Tonight. About twenty minutes ago. My cell phone rings. It's Jay. He's talking about coming up around Christmas. And the ice races in town. He thinks I should go. And the races on New Year. Thinks I should attend these also. Presumably to watch him.
Fuck Fuck Fuck and double Fuck
How do I get into these messes????
And now what do I do?

Jennie