Duck and Run

I just don't get it.
Two weeks ago I would have followed him anywhere.
And I think I just broke up with him.
What happened?

Well, I have my dvd player now.
I didn't talk to him though.
He left it on the table.
Asshole.
He kept the remote.
I'll give him until next week. Then I'll call and ask for it.
I want to know what happened. He sure didn't protest a hell of a lot.
Unless he's just really dense and thought I just wanted the dvd player for the weekend.
I don't know.
Jennie

My favorite quote today: "So we said, 'Fuck her, fuck him, fuck you, fuck me. Let's go get fucked.' And we did."


On an unrelated note, I want my dvd player from his house. I'm going to do it this time.
I didn't get, "What happened?" I didn't get "Are you alright?" I got "Oh, ok"
You didn't think that might hurt, you dumbass? Fuck it. If you don't want to care why should I? Why would I waste my time? So just forget it. Forget my phone number, forget where the hell I live, forget my fucking name. And give me back my dvd player.

Excuse me while I go cry now.
Jennie

I'm not

Fuck it. He can go to Canada. I speak Spanish and Canada is too damn cold.

Mike needs to be famous... and fast.

Ok, so I go to the dr. for completely unrelated shit, but since I'm, like, a month late or so, I get a test done, right? A pregnancy test.
And it comes back positive, so I drove around mindlessly for a couple hours. And then I track down Christopher and tell him.
He is, of course, incredulous. (big word=unbelieving) But yeah, I'm getting another test done. And the results should be in either tommorow afternoon or Monday.
Better be in by fucking Friday afternoon....I can not take that whole weekend thing.
I can''t take any of this.
Actually, we already decided that I'm going to move to Canada and he's going to move to Mexico.
And then it should all be good.
Ok, I'm going to go cry now.
I'm kinda proud of the fact that I didn't cry, I almost did, I wanted to.
Jennie

It's been a very long while since I was at this point. The point where I just want to curl up and cry. Or curl up and die.
Jennie

Guess what I did.
I bought a car. Actually, it's a truck. Ok, more like a truck wannabe. It's a Ford Ranger. 4X2. Automatic. White.
1993, under 80000 miles, $2750

You probably already know what I'm going to say.
Don't look at me like that dammit. He called, by himself, unexpectedly, to talk, because he missed me.
And today, he drove past me, immediatley turned around, and asked me to come watch a dvd with him "pretty please"
And it wasn't just because he was horny, b/c there was no sex involved. Not that it wasn't wanted, but, alas, his mother was home, and immediatley after she left, Bill pulled in. And by the time he want away Cody and Ryan were home. So, yeah.....
anyway. I obviously didn't break up with him.

lethargic
one word that describes me at this moment in time.
miserable
my second choice.
do you think he would even give a damn if I told him I have no desire to date him right now?
Or would he know I'm lying?
I'm crazy about Chris, and I know he likes me, too. But I don't think he really actaully *loves* me.
Not that he's ever claimed to. I've never said "I love you" to him either.
But I could be perfectly happy spending the rest of my life with him, IF I could know that he wanted the same.
But I don't think he does.
Which is why I'm going to break up with him.
As opposed to waiting until this spring. When he goes and does his thing. And I go and do mine. And we have to break up then. And it will hurt worse. I might even cry. And then my make-up would run and god knows I don't want that to happen.

slice me open
let me bleed
I don't want
and I don't need
your silent pity
confused shame
on behalf of me

sick sick sick
not you. Me
Oh...yuck yuck yuck.

If I bought musical underpants, would you want to see them??

F-ing blogger

Ok....so is there something about girls named Jennie that they must have odd little problems and psychopathic little blogs.
Sorry, I was looking for googleisms and it depressed me.

My nose is stuffed. Very much so. And all we have is Children's Triamanic. So I took three times the recommended dose for a six yr old.
I feel better, but not much.

I think from now on, I'm going to stick with peanut butter cookies. Jelly just makes things sticky and awkward-like. It gets all over everything. Besides, if you leave the sandwich alone long enough, the jelly soaks into the bread and everything gets mushy(can we pretend it's strawberry jelly?) and when you peel your sandwich apart, in an attempt to take the peanut butter and combine it with different jelly, say grape, you still have little bits of strawberry all over your peanut butter. And every time you have a pbj you risk remembering that it used to be a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, instead of the peanut butter and grape jelly snadwich it is now.
And who likes grape jelly anyway???

I MISS YOU DUMBASS



Think he got the message?

Did I mention I saw him last night? I had fun. A lot. God I love being with him, but not being with him is hell.

I don't think Chrs understands what I'm saying 1/2 the time. I don't think he understands how bad I've got it for him. Damnit. I shouldn't have let myself get so attached to him. This isn't going to last. I mean really. What's gonna happen this spring? When he goes to do his thing with the Marines. (yes he wants to join the Marines.....mmmm....men in uniform) and I go do my thing, whatever that may be. It's not gonna last, will it?
It's to damn late anyway. It would kill me just as bad to break up with him now as it will four months from now. God, how do I get into these messes?
Jennie

I miss you. Dumbass.
Don't get me wrong. I love the myraid of recent phonecalls I have gotten from you.But I'm a little selfish. I don't want just something.
I want it all, dammit. I want to be the one you dream about. I want to be the one you want so bad it fucking hurts. I want to be the one you think about. I want to be the one who causes you to be in the middle of work and forget what you were doing, because you were distracted by thoughts of me. I want to be the one you randomly call when bored. I want my house to be the house you pull up to when you're looking for something to do.
Gee....I don't want a hell of a lot or anything.
Sorry. I'm done now. I need to go to bed or something I think I'm coming down with something.
No really. Like a nasty-ass sinus something.
Jennie

Hey.
Just because I have become sad, pathetic, and neurotic (not erotic...neurotic) does not mean you get to stop talking to me, dammit.
Jennie

(920)708-7234
Free for you, not for me.

A vampire.
Origanal, no? No one would ever forsee me, with my aversion to light and my tendency to bite, to go as a vampire.
Unfortunatley I lost my cape last night. I think it may be at somebodyorother's house. But I am not sure.
Anyway, my red suede top, the black little skirt, fishnet tights, the boots, and a red-lined black cape, plus the obligatory fangs, made up my little costume.
Ok, so it was a cross between a hooker and a vampire, but whatever.