Duck and Run

My pirate name is:
Black Jenny Kidd

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

What's your pirate name?

BTW
He got on the phone, said "Er, I was? I did? I'm sorry. I forgot. I was working and I was tired. And I'm sorry and yeah, I'm sorry"
And I said "ok"
I'm a pathetic loser when it comes to him.
Incidentally the stupid phone battery died mid-sentence on me. And I couldn't call him back, b/c the battery was dead and it had to recharge and yeah. Ok.
Jennie

I'd rather have screaming yelling hitting shoving pushing punching etc etc etc than this silent tension that's going on right now.
Of course, he hasn't come in from work yet.

If you are going to snoop around, you deserve to learn whatever horrible information you come up with. So sorry to offend you, but you knew better than that. Do I snoop through your files? No. And why don't I? Because I know that I don't want to know what you are up to. Blech.

So yeah, it's been a great week. My friend used me to get out of the house so she could cheat on her husband, my boyfriend stopped calling me, and my mother found out I lost my virginity.
Oh, and I have no car.
I'm going to go to Newcap after work on Tuesday and get some birth control. Yes, I know this is something I should have done a long time ago, but they only do that on Tuesdays and I was always up North on Tuesdays. Granted I prolly could have gone somewhere else and gotten some shit. But yeah.
Of course, if we break up I don't have to worry about any of this.
I don't know.
I've never been dumped before. I've always been the dumper. When I sense that maybe he is disinterested I bail. Hurt them before they hurt me type of deal.
But I've already gotten so damn attatched to Chris that it would kill me to do that. Damnit Damnit Damnit. I knew better than that too.

Jennie's imaginary phone convorsation-Take One:

"Hello? Is Chris there? He's not there or he's upstairs asleep? Could you do me a favor? Do you still have the cordless phone? No. Um, well, can you go haul his ass out of bed and tell him he doesn't want to not take this call? Thank you."
pause

"Hello, beautiful. Can I ask you a question? What happened on Tuesday? See, I thought you said you'd call me, but then you didn't. Which would not be a horrible horrible thing, except that it's the 2nd or third time that you've done that. And it's a shitty thing to do to a person.
If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, if you don't want to see me, that's fine. But than you fucking tell me that and you tell me that now, before I let myself get any more attatched to your scrawny white ass than I already am."

That's as far as I get. I have no idea how he would respond to that. But I am considering actaully using it.
The hell if I am. I'll prolly call and he'll get on the phone w/some lame excuse and I'll say "ok"
I'm a pathetic loser when it comes to him.
Jennie

Ergh. I am so mad. So very very mad. I want to paste him, but I've had that desire before and then the next time I talk to him it kind of disapears and I no longer think it's such a big deal.

All right all right. So this time I'll actually have to bitch at him for it. And I'm not going to call looking for him. Whenever he chooses to remember my number is fine with me. Asshole.
Jennie

So....who wants to fill out a quiz?
How well do you know me, really?
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

or he won't

My mother came up to my bedroom today. I knew then that it wasn't good. She tried to tell me that she doesn't only want to talk to me when I've done something wrong.
I, however, knew better.
She asked me point blank if Chris and I were sleeping together. Now what the bloody heck am I going to do there? Lie to my mother? I can't do that.
I know she's disappointed. And hurt. And I bet she's pissed, too.
And I have no way to justify it. I'm not stupid, ok? I know he doesn't love me in that whole eternal devotion type way and I don't think I love him like that, either.
Maybe, but that's a little too deep and scary for me to even want to claim.
So yeah, anyway, she wants me to get on a better bc. Which is understandable. She offered to pay for it, too. But I'm not going to borrow money for that any more than I would borrow money for ciggarettes(no I'm not still smoking....it was just an anaolgy)
It's the principal of the thing.
Jennie

It's official. I've become one of the pathetic ppl I used to point and laugh at.
All is forgiven. He did try to call me today, when he woke up, which was after I left. And I did end up getting to see him. Which was very nice. And yeah, hopefully he'll call me on Tues. like he's supposed to.
Jennie

Ok. Say you were dating this guy....er...girl, person, whatever.
Anyway, you were dating them. And you called them, left a msg for them to call you back, several times, and they claimed they never got it. And you said ok yeah whatever. But then you called them and were talking to them and at the end of conversation they said they would call you back the next day. And never f-ing did. Would you consider it time to break up w/them? Or have you already been dumped at that point?

Jennie

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

God, why do I let him do this to me? If I was smart I'd just break up with him, wouldn't I?
Or am I expecting too much from him? Or too little?
He damn well better want to see me Sunday and he better come or I will be majorly frustrated, to the point of hollering. And slamming the phone.
Except that it's hard to angerly hang up a cordless phone.
"And don't bother calling me back!" **beep**
as opposed to
"And don't bother calling me back!"**SLAM!**
You see what I mean? Not nearly as satisfying.
Jennie

I'm obsessing over him again. Goddammit. I'd point and laugh at any other girl who let a guy treat her like this.
Jennie

Busta move Busta rhyme busta verse
keep it up I'll bust ya head or something worse

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy good rap. The problem is, most of it sucks. Life is depressing enough, must I listen to you brag about all the guys you've capped and girls you screwed?

I have a job.
The nursing home one.
$6.80
I can handle that.
I now need to tell McD's that I quit. Oh well, they'll be heartbroken, I'm sure.
Chris makes me miserable.

I went to see Ryan's band last night, w/Matt. We went on so many upside down and twisting twirling round and round rides that I got sick(so did he)
And the after Ryan's concert we went on one more ride and we were walking around and there was this oldies band playing and I made matt dance w/me. He didn't want to, but this old guy came up to him and said "Look, if you don't dance w/her, I'm going to"
So, he did. And it was good. And then we walked around and I had a great time and it's to damn bad Chris is being an asshole or I'd have taken him with me.
Jennie

All righty then, spent all morning applying to various places in the Falls. The pig, the nursing home(as a cook....I don't actually want to touch old ppl....blech), the hardware store, any place that was hiring EXCEPT the hygenics factory. Mainly b/c Chris works there. Even if everything manages to get all worked out, I wouldn't want to work with him. We don't get anything done like that.
Then I went to my town. No one is hiring.
Scratch that. One resteraunt and the hardware store are hiring, I applied to both.
The canning factory is also hiring temp. help. Since the teamsters are all sitting out front on strike. I did not apply there.
The metal refinishing factory is also hiring. That's the place that Dennis worked at. During that one month period 3 guys lost a finger.
I did not apply there either.
jobless in Seattle
Jennie

Lit-Miserable
You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable
Stuck to a chair
Watchin' this story about me
Everything goes by so fast
Making my head spin
Used up all of my friends
Who needs them when you mean everything
I love the things that we should fear
I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone
Nothing to share
Why should I care if your near me
Give up all of my plans
But who needs them
When you mean everthing
I love the things that we should fear
I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
You make me helpless alone
Yeah, yeah..You make me come
Yeah, yeah..You make me complete
Yeah, yeah..You make me completely miserable
I love the things that we should fear
I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone
You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable
Yeah, yeah..You make me come
Yeah, yeah..You make me complete
Yeah, yeah..You make me completely miserable

Lit-Happy
It wouldn't be so bad
If I could take a good thing and make it last
Money for the rent
Time that I spent, me and my girlfriend
My heart is broken down again
I blame it on myself
It wouldn't be so bad
If I could take a good thing and make it last
Money in the bank
Gas in the tank, me and my girlfriend
I'm crawling through the crowd again
And I'm looking for myself
It makes me mad
Cuz I wanna be happy so bad
It makes me mad
Cuz I wanna be happy so bad
You don't even care
Stepping out
Take it in
Starting over again Falling out
Starting over
It makes me mad
Cuz I wanna be happy so bad
It makes me mad
Cuz I wanna be happy
It makes me mad
Cuz I wanna be happy so bad
It makes me mad
Cuz I wanna be happy so bad
It makes me mad
I wanna be happy so bad
It makes me mad
I wanna be happy so bad

Talking to myself I swear
Because you'll never hear
What I've got to say
What I want to say
To you today


I'm looking for a job in the falls. This is Chris's hometown. Could this cause problems or is it just me?

God, this is not right. How the hell did he get that much f-ing control over my emotions? Especially since I knew better. I knew it wasn't going to last and yet I still let myself get completely messed up with the boy. Ergh. I knew better
I always do, and yet it never seems to change anything. I still always screw it up.
What really bothers me is that I'm not even sure I got dumped. If he wants to break up fine, but could he not at least tell me?
You'd think so.
Jennie

I need a job.

I would cry, but I don't want to admit that he's worth that.

Dammit Chris, don't make me hunt you down like some sort of stalker. Not my style at all.

I'm more than a little frustrated. He hasn't called me. Granted I was gone until last night and he was at work b4 I got home, but couldn't he maybe have called today?
dammit. I should've known better than to actually get involved with this guy. I'm going to get burned. I may have just gotten burned, badly.
Josh and I were talking the other day and he asked me if I was sleeping with Chris and I said........"No"
And there was no reason to lie to Josh. I mean, he would have had no respect for me anymore and been so disappointed in me, given me a lecture, but other than that....
God, how pathetic will it look if I call him? Just left a msg on his answering machine for him to call me back? I mean, if he wants to break up fine, but he at least owes it to me to actually tell me, right?
So on a scale of 1-10, the patheticness is, what, 12? 13?
Jennie

Go to the third one down.

Frustrated beyond all words.
I hope Bill's car gets hit by lightening.
Yes, I realize that Chris is in Bill's car at the moment, but right now, I'm just fine w/that.
I adore Chris on most occasions, but just once I'd like to see Chris and not see Bill. At the same time.
I ended up driving off w/out saying goodbye (horrible, yes?). Actually I was just going to put air in my tires, when I came back they were gone, so I put the tire pressure gauge back in Chris's truck (I lost mine, possibly the night that Alex lost his ice cream cone) and took off. Fuck that.
I called his place and left a msg on the answering machine.
"Hello Chris, this is Jennie. I'm going up North on Monday. Will be back Wed night, Thurs morning, something like that.
(begin intense sarcasm here) If you get bored and can't manage to find Bill, feel free to give me a call. Later."
Harsh, yes? Yes. Maybe he'll get the idea though. Maybe.
Jennie

Jennie is.....

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Jennie is the American painter, presented by the National Museum of Women in the Arts
Jennie is is both bold and intimate, edgy and compelling

Is my Blog HOT or
NOT?

Today was better. Woke up w/a backache though. No real idea why.
Went over to Chris's place and we were making out and somehow ended up standing up and walking towards the stairs. While still kissing and biting and groping etc etc, mind you. And he goes "I need to go upstairs and get clothes for work" And I said, while trying to mantain my balance and go up the stairs backwards without stopping what I was doing, "If you take me up there with you, you'll lose your clothes not find them." "Yeah, I know"
And it was good.
But it kinda bothers me that he still hasn't bothered to get anything. No wait! Calm down! I had stuff w/me and it was used, it's ok, really! But that's not the point, the point is, he still didn't get anything. What's up w/that?
Jennie

I have no desire to write.
I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and never come out.